today

i am really such an idiot at times. i do not fail to surprise myself at the stupidity of the actions that i do that will cause hurt to my friends around me and esp my loved ones. i guess forgiveness is always hard to seek. one person said trustworthiness is something i do not have or repute to have. i was really shocked. i've always thought that i would be a trustworthy person with a great sense of responsibility. i guess i was always living in a illusion.

Nobody trusts nobody because in this world people always have to put up a mask or a front in order to not get hurt. That is why its always hard to really know someone and be friends with someone. Try as i might to be the correct person or the right person or the perfect person, but i will always fail. i will never live up the expectations of the people around me. its not that i cannot but somehow or rather i will screw it up halfway all the time, either intentionally or accidentally. and life just continues to move on. leaving only me behind to wallow in my mud of misery.

2nd chances will never come.i think.i hope it comes for me.its always hard to rebuild something as compared to tearing something down.sigh.mistakes really hurt.